he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
