how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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