My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
