i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
