he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
