Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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