peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize