he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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