dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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