I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
