Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Gay?
German.
Pity.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize