I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
