Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
