I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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