Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
