Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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