I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
