So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
