You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
