How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
