party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We left the knife in your bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
