you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
