My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize