Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
