You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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