How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
