You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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