I molested 6 butterflies tonight
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
