bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
