She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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