all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
