Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
