my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
