is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize