Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
