Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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