My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
