am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
