I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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