Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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