I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize