Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
