you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
