You just made me feel so damn special
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Still dying that you shit outside
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
