It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
