so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
