Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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