the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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