I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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