She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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