Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize