It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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