maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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