he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
