i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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