soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
