LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
These tits shall not be calmed
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