Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
