Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
