Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So much rum. So many feels.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
