Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
love makes seman taste better
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
