I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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