im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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