sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
