His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
