you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
