conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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