Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i already hear my dad disowning me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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