My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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