You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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