omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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