I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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