all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
