I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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