Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Randomize
