i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
