i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
