I heard we made out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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