I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
