put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
