I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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