saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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