Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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