I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found puke in my bra..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
