I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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