I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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