i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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