Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
