It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love how my cats smell like pot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
