what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize