So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize