There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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