my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
