Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We need to rekindle our bromance
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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