Have you finally orgasmed yet?
look no pants
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
