On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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