Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
