Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
only if we run a train.
done.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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