Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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