is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
