i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
