just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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