I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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