Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
