Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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