i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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