They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
