if you like me you must not know who I am
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
