I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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