he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize