I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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