do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
