Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
