Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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