remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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