I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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