guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
