Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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