I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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