I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
