Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize